It’s okay to say ‘This is all too much’
It’s with both a heavy heart and a sigh of relief that I have at last made the very difficult decision not to compete at my upcoming show, Miss Plymouth this coming September.
It has taken a lot of courage to listen to my body and make this choice.
To many of you it might not be a very big deal, but to me it’s huge. I have been wrestling with myself over the choices I have and the commitments I have made over the past few weeks and it has completely exhausted me.
By no mean does this mean I won’t compete again, but for now I have realised that I need to take a step back, reassess everything currently happening in my life and get a handle on things again.
This quite honestly has been such a difficult decision for me to make. I have been worried that if I didn’t compete then I would be letting an awful lot of people down, not only myself, but my family, my coach and everyone who has contacted me and told me what an inspiration I have been to them just through my own transformation. If I stopped I thought that it would mean I was weak and that I would become a let down in many peoples eyes, despite how much I have achieved already.
But trying to weigh things up, I have been working morning till night, often until the early hours trying to fit all my work in, then to find time for training and spending time with my family and have struggled even to find the time to sleep… starting my day at 5:15am every morning, and getting to bed at roughly 1:00am all week long… something had to give, and at this rate it was going to be my sanity.
I absolutely loved the process of my very first show but at only 4 weeks in I have been hating it and that’s really not how I want to feel.
I feel like my family life has been suffering too, I have always tried my hardest to fit things in around my kids but have noticed that I am getting home from work and falling asleep on the sofa within seconds of walking through the door, and all I have wanted to do is to get the kids washed and into bed. This is not the sort of parent I want to become.
Because I have been so tired and miserable I have also become short tempered and nasty, and of course my hubby has been taking the brunt of it which in turn has often created friction and until recently this is very rarely a part of our relationship. I want the giggles, the cuddles, the play fights and the love back, like it was before.
I finally fought my demons and put my foot down on Monday last week, and spoke to Craig about it the same evening. I immediately felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders and felt like I could breathe again. I had a good long chat with my coach about it all and he too agreed it was the best course of action.
For now at least I have one less thing to worry about, I will still be training hard and aiming for my dream physique but will no longer have the pressure of a short time scale, now I can work towards achieving my dream the best way possible, by enjoying the journey getting there, and now I can see that it really is okay to speak out when things are getting too much.
Not only this but now I am in a better place I will be able to fully support Craig through the last few weeks of his prep, he is currently 8 weeks out from his first contest and really is doing an incredible job, I could not be more proud of what he is achieving.