Time is money, but I crave my family…
As I get older I realise how precious time has become to me. I daren’t wish it to go by too quickly as both our children are growing up so incredibly fast, but that said I am very happy to be able to put the past 5 or so weeks well and truly behind me.
Unfortunately, and completely down to my own misjudgment I have felt as though I have ever so slowly been working my way to exhaustion. To put a long story short I have crammed in four months worth of work into just one, not only forcing myself to work all hours available to get the work complete but also putting myself well and truly out of pocket. But that said, this is one lesson that has well and truly been learnt and not one that will be forgotten so easily!
Work has been so demanding that it has had a massive domino effect on every other aspect of my life. I had been desperately trying to get myself back into shape ready for our visit to England for when Craig competes but the gym had to stop, I just physically didn’t have enough hours available to even keep any regular cardio up. So then I thought to myself, if I can’t get to the gym then I’ll at least work hard to keep my eating habits clean… Another fail. Time and time again I managed to fall into the trap of being hard at work and skipping meals, only to later realise that had I have stopped to eat then I would have undoubtedly had more energy and been far more productive. Another lesson learned.
I barely had any quality time with either of the monsters, most days it was a case of seeing them when it was time to get them up and ready or I’d be rushing to get them fed and in bed again so I could get back to work as quickly as possible.
Thankfully this time is now over and I am currently sat, exhausted but content, on holiday back in the UK for a couple of weeks not worrying about alarms, deadlines or anything work related.
Craig is now literally days out from the show I hoped to compete in again this year and to put it bluntly I don’t think I’ve been any help at all to him. I’ve tried to be encouraging and supportive but when I have been under so much pressure myself it’s been incredibly difficult and even felt a little forced at times which I’m sure he’s noticed.
I’ve just had a quick read back over another post that I wrote about ‘being on the other side of prep‘ and here’s a little excerpt from the post;
At the moment you could say that my husband looks like the man I married… but inside is someone quite different. The days go by with the smallest inconvenience becoming a major issue, for example if there’s something on the side that shouldn’t be then it very quickly becomes a heated discussion. Rather than just move it to where it should be, in the bin or otherwise, this person who looks like my husband decides that it’s a massive problem. The term ‘making mountains out of molehills‘ regularly comes to mind.
It’s both frustrating and so difficult to understand, I find us having the weirdest mini arguments over the stupidest things. I’ve noticed that there’s no warning signs to gauge the incoming reaction to things at the moment, no slow wind up to an all out explosion of mood – regardless of the situation it always receives the same level of outburst.
Reading this post again has made the penny drop, I had forgotten just what happens during prep and the best way for me to describe it is by giving it a name; prep-blindness. I’m sure that only the person on prep can really understand how they feel, physically and mentally, and to the outside world, the amount of effort and discomfort it can cause to an individual or their family can often make no sense at all.
These painful and exhausting weeks in the run up to a show are not only demanding for the person competing, but quite truthfully are an emotionally painful time for the family involved, even when it’s not so obvious to the competitor themselves.
I’m already craving my family back to the way it was and of late have found myself thinking more and more about who really suffers the most during prep, the competitor or their family?