Big black clouds and little silver linings
Yet again it’s been a while since I last wrote anything. The main reason for this is because I’ve been suffering with some pretty nasty headaches of late, and horribly debilitating ones at that.
For a whopping nine weeks I had the most uncomfortable headache, plus a shed load of other head pain and weird issues that came along with it. The worst being the most horrendous pulsing sensation from the base of my skull radiating to the top of my head followed by a three second stabbing pain at my forehead. Every pulse felt like an immense rush of blood painfully washing across my skull and this happened almost every time I stood up from bending down.
When this happens you kinda realise how much you take not just everyday for granted but every few minute activities for granted… getting out of bed, putting on socks or shoes, picking things off the floor, doing the dishwasher, sorting the laundry, feeding the dogs, standing up from a chair, and by far the most agonising one for me, barely being able to play with the monsters.
Then, after such an uncomfortable nine weeks we had a monster storm and the mother of all migraines reared its ugly head, and almost as if by magic the next morning my head was mostly back to normal again! Well for 5 days at least and then it all started coming back…
This sucks on so many levels, I’ve basically had to put a stop to the gym entirely. After progressing so well with lifting and getting my personal bests well up there I’ve had to come to a complete standstill.
Initially I tried to back down from the heavy weights and go for light weights and reps just so I could stay in the gym, but all I found happening was my mood getting more miserable and my anger levels turning blacker, all this because I hated having to go so quickly from hitting such personal bests to having to lift lighter than 10kg for every stinking exercise.
Going through the motions just wasn’t working for me so I figured taking a break was a far better idea than forcing myself to lift light as I was very quickly falling out of love with the gym.
I’m over the ‘pity party for one’ state of mind and after having these bouts of headaches and migraines with crazy oddities added to the mix all I really want are answers.
Luckily for me there is a little silver lining to my current big black cloud. When we lived in the UK I had to fight tooth and nail with my GP to try and get any kind of serious help. I can remember crying at one appointment because I was yet again being fobbed off with beta blockers as apparently the pain I was feeling was ‘just a headache’, or maybe a ‘cluster headache’ – now I really wouldn’t want to wish the severity of the headaches I get on to anyone but I really do wish that there was a way in which someone could understand just how incredibly painful they can be at times…
Mostly because I have always felt guilty at having to tell employers, friends or family that I have another bad head… It’s as though I can hear people’s thoughts… As if people were thinking something along the lines of ‘oh yeah… Another headache’ …you know what I mean?
Enough of black clouds, let’s get back on track to that silver lining I mentioned. Incredibly however, over here in Portugal, at least the GP I have now, really does care. WI think 10 minutes of sitting down at my appointment I was handed all the paperwork I needed to get the ball rolling to finally finding out some very well overdue answers.
So that’s basically my last post of this year… And I guess it’s kinda left me with not much else to say!
Other than wishing you a wonderful 2016.
And for me? That’s easy, health and happiness to my family and friends… and answers… regardless of the outcome, just some god damn answers!
I’m determined to make 2016 a year of enlightenment and to keep holding on to that silver lining, see you next year!