Those of you who know me well, will agree with me when I say that I think of myself as a quiet person. Before the birth of my two kids I was very shy and uncomfortable when it came to talking to people and often being in public.
As an example, I would feel incredibly self conscious if I walked to work to the point that I wouldn’t know where to put my arms and I’d always think too much about the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other which inevitably made me trip over myself. I have no idea why I was like this but I can remember being this way for years and forever thinking people were looking at me or talking about me.
This was until the day my son was born. The day Oscar arrived I instantly changed, I had something of my own that I needed to be strong for, to protect and if anyone dared to upset this then they would feel my wrath. This change was so obvious that even my work colleagues noticed it, they’d say how well motherhood suited me and how confident I suddenly seemed. Strangely though I would still have brief moments of panic if I had to walk anywhere and have nothing to hold onto, or had no pockets to put my hands in.
When our little lady arrived I gained more confidence again. I’d already had one child and knew what to expect when it came to pushy strangers and knew I had the guts to tell someone to give me back my child when I wanted them to and to disagree with ‘well we always used to do this…’ comments.
All in all I was feeling great about being a mum, but there was one thing that still got me down… looking in the mirror. After having Ava-Mae I would say that I was a large size 16, as soon as I had the okay from the doctor I was on the road to reaching my first goal, getting into a size 12.
As the extra weight started leaving my body and I began to tone up, I no longer looked in the mirror and saw things I hated anymore, instead I could see where I was improving, and was pleased with my progress especially when I could flex parts of my body and see definition. I still had days that I looked in the mirror and felt disappointed with the areas that needed more attention, mostly my bum and belly but I knew with time I’d get there.
10 months after I started my journey and I can honestly say that I no longer stand in front of the mirror and look for faults, for the bits I hate about myself. Instead I admire what I have achieved and study my body to see which areas are progressing well and which areas need some more work. In my entire life I have never felt as confident as I do today, I no longer worry about walking to work or being looked at. I like to think that I walk with a smile on my face and that my posture shows the world how I feel about myself… proud of what I have achieved so far.