All or Nothing
As of this moment in writing, I am little over 10 weeks out from my very first contest. I’ve been on contest prep for the last three weeks and I can honestly say it’s dammed hard work! I’ll be truthful and say that I could have packed it all in at the beginning of this week… I’d had enough… but I didn’t. Instead I sought moral support from my husband, the mass of #fitfam strangers on twitter and also from another member of Team PScarb who is also on contest prep.
It would seem you either want it or you don’t… and I want it…I want it BAD!
The little voice I wrote about in ‘The Voice of Self Destruction‘ is now helping me quite a bit, the words I tend to hear most of the time now are;
If you’re not going to do it properly, why bother doing it at all?
So with that little voice comes a big ass boot that kicks the focus and determination back into gear. And I’m back on track again.
I’ve certainly found I have down days, and they are the hardest days I’ve experienced, hunger pangs, misery and snappiness beyond belief, no motivation, total lack of focus, and I’ve just wanted to cry my eyes out and drown myself in a big bath of chocolate… a little extreme? Perhaps. But still true.
It’s these types of days that have really made me value the on-line world. I joke about my social life, it really is as though I live in two worlds. In the real world I’m not overly social, I go to work, talk to people and go home. Having said that if I’m in the gym I do my best to smile and say hello to people, especially those I haven’t seen before. I guess I feel comfortable at the gym now and want to make others feel comfortable too, so they don’t feel daunted by stepping foot into somewhere that might be so far out of their usual comfort zone like I first did.
In the virtual world I can find like-minded people who understand the excitement you get from training, the dedication or ‘addiction’ you have towards it and most importantly how these people can relate to the sheer heartbreaking disappointment you get if for some reason you can’t make it to the gym or you don’t get that cheat meal you’ve been gagging for.
I came across this image recently and cannot tell you how much I can relate to it;
It gets me really angry when people think they know something about my lifestyle when they clearly don’t have a clue. These people don’t seem to realise that their lack of knowledge and snide comments can really affect someone’s mental strength.
After having a good moan to a friend she said the best thing I’ve heard in a long time;
People often judge others for what they do, but I would argue that we shouldn’t judge others, particularly, if we have no knowledge and/or experience of the thing in question!
Amen to that!
So what if I’m eating pre-made meals that I’ve just tipped out of a freezer bag into a bowl… granted they might not look very appetising but you know what…? Eating this way means I get to spend quality play time my kids when I get home from work, I get to soak up as much of the 3 hours before bedtime with the two most perfect little creations I know. We have sofa snuggles, play bricks, climb all over each-other, play fight and dance around like idiots… oh I’m sorry – should I be in the kitchen prepping again?
Now this is beginning to turn into a bit of a venting session…
Maybe it’s not my meals that cause you a problem, perhaps my lifestyle offends you in some way? The fact that I ‘have to’ train every day twice a day at the moment, or that I dare not stray away from my diet plan, even for one tiny morsal of chocolate.
Me: Cake you say? Oh no, not for me thank you. I’m in contest prep.
You: Come on, surely one piece of cake isn’t going to make a difference?
Me: Ah yes… but it does…
You: ‘Snigger’ Well that seems a bit on the extreme side, sounds like n addiction to me!
What the nasty me really wants to scream in your face: How about keeping your trap shut and keep your idiotic, non-valued opinions to yourself? (Or words to that effect!)
Do I come over and start poking my nose into your business telling you what you should or shouldn’t be doing even though I know nothing about you?
No. I don’t.
And I don’t do this because I value peoples feelings and would very much like it if others did the same.
Here is a quote that actually says what I am trying to vent pretty perfectly;
We don’t expect for you to understand, and you may not like the goals we are aiming for but all we ask for is your support. It’s competitive, heart breaking and rewarding all at the same time. I have had my spirit broken, dreams shattered, sleepless nights working while everyone else was partying… I Don’t expect you to understand completely… But please respect my passion and the drive that flows through my blood.
So in an effort to explain one last time why that one little biscuit, that drop of milk in my coffee, or that dressing on my chicken just isn’t allowed right now, think of it like this;
If I did allow myself to have those ‘little cheats’ here and there when no one was looking would I be able to get up on stage in 10 weeks time and know that I fought hard, did the absolute best I possibly could and be proud of my dedication and discipline? No.
And it’s this dedication I need to keep in check because when I do get on that stage and stand with the other girls that will have worked so dammed hard I want to know that I HAVE worked my hardest and that I deserve to be there, whether I place or not.
I have something I want to accomplish and regardless of others opinions about my new found love for this lifestyle – understand me when I say it’s a lifestyle that makes me feel amazing… No amount of snide remarks or un-educated comments are going to stop me following my dream, however they can hurt, so please, rather than put me down just respect that whether it’s your cup of tea or not, what I am doing still requires hard work, determination and dedication.
It’s not your dream, it’s mine.
To wrap this little rant up I’d just like to give a big shout out to Yoanna (visit Yo’s PT site). When I hit my the hardest day of my prep so far I looked for advice and help from members of TeamPScarb, other than saying hello when we first joined I hadn’t really spoken to anyone, the team seem like a great bunch and you can bet there’s always some kind of motivation or help whenever you need it most.
I sent a message to Yo and she gave me the greatest pep talk going! Knowing that she’s on prep too and that we share the same struggles has been so helpful, I’m 100% back on track, committed and ready to rock that stage!