I quit… These are the two most detrimental words that have been constantly floating around in my head for the last week or so. Things got tough… really tough.
I’d tucked the little ones into bed, Craig came home from his training session and it was time for me to head back out for my second training session of the day, tabata followed by cardio. Off I went pretending I was up for a good session and then a sneaky little voice popped into my head…
Just park up down the end of the carpark and have a nap for an hour… Craig won’t know any different and you can finally catch up on some rest…
I was pretty exhausted after all. I was fed up of my food, all I wanted was to binge eat and sneak bits of food that I wasn’t supposed to, just a bite of the kids toast, or a handful of cereal, or a big fat latte, oh I’m missing my milky coffee so badly. I wrestled with this notion for the short drive to the gym and when I arrived I honestly thought about giving up right there and then.
Half of me said it’s just too much – everyone was right, how do I fit it all in? I’m a mother, I train, work full time, train again, and work again, I’ve got more than enough on my plate right now. But then I looked through my photos on my phone and the other half of me quickly smashed away any negative thoughts and set a fire roaring…
QUIT?!?! ARE YOU FOR REAL?!?
You’ve put so much effort, time and will power into these last 6 weeks that quitting would be a huge regret, sure, the first couple of days might feel nice and relaxing but the guilt would rot you from the inside out!
You’d be letting Craig down, your coach down, everyone who’s been encouraging you, and most importantly you’d be letting yourself down… what sort of role model would you be to your kids then..?
I know this voice speaks truthfully because that’s the type of person I am. If I have something I want to achieve I’m dammed well going to get there. Besides, when I look back I’ll wonder what all the fuss was about. These 14 weeks are just a drop of my lifetime in the grand scheme of things.
Like when I was pregnant. On Oscar things weren’t so bad but with Ava I hated it, the last few months especially – at the time it felt like the weeks were dragging out for forever but looking back now I’m not sure I can remember much of it at all. The same goes for prep, once it’s done I’ll barely remember the hard times as I’ll have achieved something incredible at the end of it.
After arguing with myself I parked up, plugged in and switched the tunes on, loud. That was it, my focus was back and it was time to hit it hard again. I think that night I had the best cardio session to date.
A few days after and we headed out for a friends party, I hadn’t seen many of them for quite some time, probably since around Christmas and I had no idea what to wear. It was a family do so the kids were coming too and all my dressy clothes were too big on me. So I opted for a pair of black pvc-ish leggings with lace sides with a long black top and my snakeskin heels. I hoped that with the long top I wouldn’t look too dressed up or tarty, but I still felt really self concious.
After just a few minutes of arriving I felt awesome! Some people barely even recognised me and the compliments I was getting made me feel all warm and fuzzy, if not a little embarrassed! Looking through my photos I knew I had been doing well, but hadn’t realised quite how much of a change I had actually made until that night.
It’s funny though, you would think that hearing these positive things would make me more determined and more focussed. But instead I started feeling as though I could slack off a little, that my progress was so good I didn’t need to be working quite as hard as I had been.
This feeling didn’t last long mind you. I soon snapped back to reality when I started googling photos from NABBA and found pictures like these;
I am nothing compared to these women! And although I may have made a lot of progress since having Ava I’ve realised that to be on stage I still have an awful lot of hard work ahead.
It’s time to knuckle down and work even harder.
7 weeks out – NABBA West here I come!